Friday, July 29, 2011

The awkward life: pretending to be someone else

I have been known to stop mid conversation, turn around and walk away to avoid an oncoming awkward situation. I'm also guilty of the "oh look, there's only me and that other person I don't want to talk to walking in this long, empty hall, but I'm still going to take my phone out and read this engrossing text so I can pretend I don't see them when we both know I do."

Basically, I will do anything it takes to avoid awkward situations, even when doing so makes it even awkwarder. Recently I've been trying to force myself to just suffer through them and maybe I'll magically become less socially inept. Has it worked?

Let's see.

I'm at Trader Joe's. Again. Debating: pink lady apples? or gala? Galas are my favorite, but they don't look that ripe...and pink lady...I mean they're pink lady apples!

A quick look up and...oh god. There's my sister's friend's little sister who's still older than me whom I've never ever talked to but secretly hated the one time I saw her at her house for having the awesome necklace that I totally wanted along with a woman who I assume is her mom whom I think I met once but I'm not sure, I don't think I'm getting my who and whoms right, damn it Rayna why are you thinking about that right now? and shit now they're looking at me too what do I do do they even know who I am, probably not, what should I do,  oh of course, lets pretend to be my older sister because they definitely know her. Bingo! What a fucking great idea Rayna! Now they're walking towards me, so let's just paste on my maniacal grin!

A couple of minutes into the conversation and I'm still talking to these people like I know them and peppering the conversation with piano references (my sister was a piano major) and questions about what little I know about my sister's friend and I'm getting some weird looks from the two of them and the sister's friend's little sister cautiously looks at me and goes "'s Elise?" Shit. I am so busted. Someone come help me, STAT because I have got to get myself out of this. A few more hasty words and then we look at each other awkwardly. The mom: " was very nice to meet you." Double busted. I never introduced myself to her. Also slightly offensive because I am 97% sure we met like, 5 years ago. And by met, I mean I was at her house and probably looked at her. Like I did today.

I walk away and buy three bananas.

In my defense, people have often confused me and Elise for twins, okay? I thought it would work.