Monday, December 5, 2011

this is bad, even for me.

I've hit an all time low in procrastination.

Checked my email and sitting there in my spam folder was a holiday ecard from a random e-card website.

The past 56 minutes have been spent searching and sending the most randomly, awesomely, unfunny e-cards. One of which includes a one and a half week belated Thanksgiving e-card. My friends are going to hate me.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I'm not dead yet

Helloooooo followers, old and new!

Thanks for sticking around-- I really want to punch past Rayna in the face because I've got some major projects coming up that (surprise, surprise) are nowhere close to being done.

Should I find it necessary to continue this cycle of self hate, loathing, destruction, etc, you will undoubtedly see a new post pretty soon.

For even more future Rayna's own sake though, let's hope not--but maybe she'll have learned to deal with it better.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

what happens when I attempt yoga

Yoga has a multitude of benefits (via the trusty WebMD):
  • increased strength and flexibility
  • better posture 
  • ease in movement, especially between joints
  • less stress and more relaxation
That last one right there is of particular interest to me. I'm either really successful or just plain bad at yoga because whenever I try it, I cannot stop falling asleep. Can't fight child's pose, I suppose.

Child's pose, also known as "beached whale"

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Oh yeah? Well my life sucks more than yours!

We all know someone who does this--they counter every single little thing you say just to one-up you. In most cases, this is insufferable, but still tolerable. In the absolute worse case though, when you just need to have a little moment of self pity and throw yourself a pity party to make yourself feel better, The Other Guy needs to go.


Me: Wow, I'm kind of tired...

The Other Guy: Yeah? Well I pulled two all nighters this weeks, and I got 3 hours of sleep last night!

Me: I should probably go get some work done...

The Other Guy: Me too...I've got this project due tomorrow and then I have 5 exams and 3 quizzes, man I'm so busy!!

What I wish I could do in these situations:

What normally ends up happening:

Friday, July 29, 2011

The awkward life: pretending to be someone else

I have been known to stop mid conversation, turn around and walk away to avoid an oncoming awkward situation. I'm also guilty of the "oh look, there's only me and that other person I don't want to talk to walking in this long, empty hall, but I'm still going to take my phone out and read this engrossing text so I can pretend I don't see them when we both know I do."

Basically, I will do anything it takes to avoid awkward situations, even when doing so makes it even awkwarder. Recently I've been trying to force myself to just suffer through them and maybe I'll magically become less socially inept. Has it worked?

Let's see.

I'm at Trader Joe's. Again. Debating: pink lady apples? or gala? Galas are my favorite, but they don't look that ripe...and pink lady...I mean they're pink lady apples!

A quick look up and...oh god. There's my sister's friend's little sister who's still older than me whom I've never ever talked to but secretly hated the one time I saw her at her house for having the awesome necklace that I totally wanted along with a woman who I assume is her mom whom I think I met once but I'm not sure, I don't think I'm getting my who and whoms right, damn it Rayna why are you thinking about that right now? and shit now they're looking at me too what do I do do they even know who I am, probably not, what should I do,  oh of course, lets pretend to be my older sister because they definitely know her. Bingo! What a fucking great idea Rayna! Now they're walking towards me, so let's just paste on my maniacal grin!

A couple of minutes into the conversation and I'm still talking to these people like I know them and peppering the conversation with piano references (my sister was a piano major) and questions about what little I know about my sister's friend and I'm getting some weird looks from the two of them and the sister's friend's little sister cautiously looks at me and goes "'s Elise?" Shit. I am so busted. Someone come help me, STAT because I have got to get myself out of this. A few more hasty words and then we look at each other awkwardly. The mom: " was very nice to meet you." Double busted. I never introduced myself to her. Also slightly offensive because I am 97% sure we met like, 5 years ago. And by met, I mean I was at her house and probably looked at her. Like I did today.

I walk away and buy three bananas.

In my defense, people have often confused me and Elise for twins, okay? I thought it would work.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I still think I'm pretty cool, though

I’m not sure why I like staying up online later than the average normal population, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that once it hits around 3 or 4 am, I start finding myself reading the weirdest shit ever, even for me. And that’s saying something.

According to Criminal Minds, this also seems to be exactly the time serial killers who like to peel the skin off your face or cut off your fingertips and feed them to you thrive. Just remember that correlation doesn't prove causation.

Anyway. Because 4:16 am is as good of a time as any to find out what your inner food is...a quick quiz on youthink and...

Salad. A green salad. Are you kidding me?  Salad is for rabbits. I haven’t had a salad in at least 4 months, and I’m starting to feel a little bad for depriving my inner soul (is that redundant?) now. But not too much.

And because it only follows that you need to know your inner animal as well, I proceed to take “What your inner animal?”

And I’m all, yeah, this is gonna be so much better than finding out I’m a salad.

...because I’m a rabbit. Oh god. I totally jinxed myself. Is this even possible? Could I be a lamer animal?

It turns out...I can. Determined to show the internet/world/universe what’s what, I looked up a different inner animal quiz, because yes, I will take them until I find an animal I actually like.

Second time around, and I’m a fucking guinea pig. Okay internet. You win...this time. I’m going to sleep a bit less self-satisfied than when I woke up.


I thought about it, and I guess a rabbit/guinea pig isn’t so bad. I could have been like a opossum playing dead all the time. At least rabbits move.  It’s all a matter of perspective, you see.

EDIT x2:

Actually, if you put those together, I’m a rabbea. Or a rabbig. If that doesn’t sound pretty badass, I don’t know what does.

EDIT x3:

I just realized I could also be a guibbit. And that sounds horribly like giblet.

I think I’ll just stick to rabbig.